


Life Sucks, But Sometimes It Sucks A Little Less

by rosybumblebee



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alcohol, Cuddling, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Tsukipapa being a good dad, getting drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 15:18:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11512071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosybumblebee/pseuds/rosybumblebee
Summary: After Tsukiyama's confession at the wedding, he is helped by his fairy godparents and Kaneki is confused.





	Life Sucks, But Sometimes It Sucks A Little Less

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to my previous fic "You Make Me Wanna Die", so I suggest reading that first!

After the wedding, Tsukiyama preferred avoiding Kaneki like the plague, especially after what they had told each other. Now that Kaneki knew the truth about his feelings, Tsukiyama didn't know how to behave around him.

Should he continue acting like before? Should he be more distant, in case Kaneki misinterpreted some of his actions? He wouldn't want to pass as if he were trying to get with him, especially not now that he was... married.

What a strange thing to say. Kaneki was married and expecting a baby. He had almost gotten his life together in such a short time. He still had to deal with a lot of issues, of course, marriage cannot cure mental illness, and it had happened in the span of what, two weeks? It still seemed incredible to Tsukiyama. But if Kaneki was happy, then he would be fine.

Of course he would.

That was exactly why he was crying quietly into his pillow, rose scented candles lit around his room and Adele playing softly in the background. That had been his stereotypical night for the last four days, right after the wedding. He sniffled and sat up when he heard his phone ring and he picked it up, answering when he read it was his father.

"Hi Papa. How's it going?"

"Pretty well, thank you. It's nice, living in a hidden apartment. When the situation has calmed down, I'd like you to visit me, Shuu-kun."

"Of course, I'd love that."

"Also, I've, uhm... heard about the wedding. Your little mouse friend told me you did a good job at organizing it."

Shuu took in a sharp breath and nodded, playing with the hem of his blanket.  
"...yeah, yeah. Everything looked... pretty nice."

"Son... are you okay? I... I know that boy was special to you."

Shuu felt tears welling up in his eyes and he curled his free hand into a fist, willing himself not to cry. "It's fine. I'm fine."

"Shuu, I know you like the back of my hand. I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but I think you're far from fine," Mirumo sighed at the other side of the phone, running a hand down his face. "I can hear it now. Your voice is shaking."

"I-It's not," Tsukiyama answered, blinking quickly when he felt a tear making its way down his cheek. "I'm... I don't know. I'll be fine, I promise."

"If anything is wrong, you know I'm just a phone call away, don't you? I... I don't want you to get bad again," Mirumo murmured, flopping down on his little couch.

"I won't, Papa. It'll never happen again."

"Good. ...Shuu. You... you love that boy, don't you?"

"...yeah. With all my heart," Shuu answered, his voice weak and thick with tears.

"Then you just have to be happy that he's happy. Everything will work out on the end, I promise."

"I love you, Papa."

"I love you too, mon chouchou. I should go prepare something for dinner now, I'm getting hungry."

"Alright, bye. And stop calling me chouchou, I'm twenty-six!" Tsukiyama protested lightheartedly, though a small smile appeared on his lips.

"Non, you'll always be my baby boy to me,' Mirumo laughed, saying goodbye one more time before ending the phone call.

Tsukiyama stared at his phone for a few moments before putting it on the nightstand and flopping face first on his bed, letting out a quiet sob even though the tears had finally stopped. After a few minutes he sat up and wiped at his cheeks, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm himself down before getting up and walking to the bathroom to wash his face and get rid of those terrible tear tracks and red eyes.

He dragged himself back to his bed and was about to lay down again to bury his face in his pillow and scream, but he was sadly interrupted by a knock on his door.  
He felt his heart stutter in his chest as he realized that maybe it was Kaneki, so he started praying mentally until he opened the door, only to find Nishiki and Banjou standing in front of him with two bottles of blood wine and three glasses.

"Heya, idiot. We figured you might enjoy some company," Nishiki said, holding up a bottle.  
"...you figured wrong," Tsukiyama deadpanned with an unimpressed face. "What, you want to get me drunk?"  
"Look man, you've been terribly depressed since... the event. We just want to make you feel better. We know it's been... not so easy for you," Banjou said, placing a hand on Tsukiyama's shoulder.  
"...fine. Get in," Shuu mumbled, moving to the side to let them pass and closing the door.

"Wow. You were here, crying with candles and Adele? That's just pathetic," Nishiki grimaced, grabbing Tsukiyama's phone and stopping the music.  
"Hey, I liked it!" Shuu protested, but Nishiki just plugged his phone in and put on an upbeat pop song, before sitting down on the floor. "C'mon, Bakayama. Alcohol always makes things better."

"...if you say so," Tsukiyama rolled his eyes but sat down with Banjou, crossing his legs and tucking a piece of his hair behind his ear. "So what, you guys came here just to get me drunk?"

"Actually, we wanted to get drunk too, but not as much as you," Banjou said, uncapping a bottle and pouring them three glasses. "Just so we can get tipsy but still babysit you."

"I don't need-okay. Fine. Just... yeah, I need to drink," Tsukiyama sighed, grabbing his glass and finishing everything in one go, with Nishiki and Banjou staring wide eyed at him. "...damn, you sure needed that," Nishiki raised his eyebrows, pouring him another glass.

"Told you. Just keep an eye on me, I can't handle wine really well," Shuu chuckled.

\---

"I-I need a hug!" Tsukiyama cried pitifully, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he held his pillow tightly. Banjou raised an eyebrow and tried to wrap an arm around him but Tsukiyama just yelled and batted it away, scooting away from him.  
"Not you, gross!! I need Kaneki-kun!" he sobbed, burying his face in the pillow for a few moments before looking up, eyeing the last bottle of wine. "Maybe I should just..." he mumbled, extending a hand toward it.

"No!" Banjou slapped his hand, moving the bottle far away from him. "No more alcohol for you. Right, Nishiki?" he asked, looking over at the other ghoul, who was lying on the floor, quietly humming the song that was playing from the speaker.  
"Huh? Ah yeah, right," he nodded, lazily waving his hand.

"Why does my life suck so much? I-I know I did some things wrong but this is just too much," Tsukiyama whined, trying to wipe the tears off his face. "I got depressed, then all my family dies, now I finally get to be close to Kaneki-kun but he marries someone else! I don't even know what to do anymore," he sniffled, barely holding back sobs.

"Okay, you need to get a grip now. Change your shirt and go wash your face and teeth, 'cause you're crying too much," Nishiki sighed, draping an arm over his eyes.  
Tsukiyama pouted but obeyed, leaving his pillow and quickly changing into a simple black shirt before moving to the bathroom.

"...maybe I should call Kaneki. I mean, we can't comfort him now and I feel bad leaving and letting him cry drunk and alone," Banjou mumbled, grabbing his phone from his pocket.  
"Are you sure it won't just make him cry harder?" Nishiki asked, sitting up and wrapping his arms around his knees. "It's not like Kaneki will come and kiss his depression away."  
"I know, but Tsukiyama said he needs a hug, and Kaneki can give him one," Banjou said, sending Kaneki a quick text.

Tsukiyama emerged from the bathroom, still sniffling quietly. "...I should go to bed now. I feel like shit."  
"You'll puke your guts out if you go to sleep as drunk as you are now," Nishiki warned standing up and stumbling a little, holding onto the desk to steady himself. "Me and Big Bear here should go though. Try not to feel sick."  
"Mhm... okay," Shuu murmured, rubbing at his eyes with his fist like a child and sitting cross-legged on his bed.

A knock came on the door and Banjou and Nishiki went to open it, greeting Kaneki. "He's not feeling that good, he said he wanted a hug and we called you. He didn't want anyone but you," Banjou said, patting his shoulder before walking away with Nishiki.

Kaneki bit his lip, fiddling awkwardly with his hands. He had tried to avoid Tsukiyama as much as possible after his confession at the wedding, he didn't want to make him feel bad or make things weird between them. Well, weirder than before.

He had always felt fascinated by Tsukiyama. He had felt so happy when he had finally gone on that date with him, and then... well, Kaneki liked to consider their outing at the coffee shop a little date. That was nice. If only Tsukiyama had told him before, maybe they could have... no, he needed to push those thoughts out of his mind. He was married now, and he was also expecting a baby. Wow, that had been quite the surprise.

Of course Kaneki loved Touka, she was like family, but... whatever, he didn't need to think about that now. It was... pretty complicated.

Kaneki took a deep breath and stepped inside Tsukiyama's room, closing the door quietly behind him.  
"...what are you doing here?" Tsukiyama asked softly, sniffling and looking up at Kaneki with teary, shiny eyes.  
Shuu crying alone in his room, and Kaneki worriedly looking for him and going to comfort him. It felt like a deja-vu.

"Banjou texted me. He said you weren't feeling okay," Kaneki said, going to sit next to Tsukiyama. "What's wrong?"  
"Nothing. I'm just drunk. I always cry for whatever reason when I'm drunk," Shuu muttered, picking at the edge of his blanket. "I... I wanted cuddles, but I only had my pillow. I need a huge teddy bear."

"...yeah, you're drunk. And I'll make sure to give you a teddy bear on Christmas," Kaneki chuckled. "Still, I know something's wrong. I think... maybe this could be a good opportunity to... talk, maybe? Last time I told you we weren't finished."

"...do we really have to? I thought that topic was already over," Tsukiyama grumbled, crossing his arms defensively and scooting a few inches away from Kaneki.

"Look, Tsukiyama-san..."  
"No, stop. There's nothing to talk about. You're taken now and I'll get over it."  
"But you're not okay! You're-"  
"I know I'm not okay. Like I said, I'll get over it, sooner or later. You don't need to pity me," Tsukiyama spat, a scowl on his face.  
"I'm not. I just... I care about you. A lot. I don't like seeing you like this, now that I know you're not okay. I'm sorry," Kaneki insisted, a sigh escaping his lips.

He thought for a few moments before backing up against the wall, sitting with his legs extended in front of him. "Come here."  
"What?" Tsukiyama asked, a look of confusion on his face.  
"You said you wanted cuddles. I can give you that," Kaneki said, opening his arms.  
"I don't... I don't think that's a good idea," Tsukiyama shook his head, already feeling his voice start to tremble.

Cuddling with Kaneki would only make him feel worse, knowing that he couldn't go too far and that it probably wouldn't happen again. He was saddened by the fact that Kaneki was married now, but he didn't want him to be accused of cheating or something, even if he knew Kaneki would never do such a thing.

"If you don't feel comfortable, it's okay. It's just that Banjou told me you were begging for cuddles earlier, so I figured I could do something about that," Kaneki shrugged.  
Tsukiyama hesitated for a moment before shuffling closer to Kaneki, laying his head on his shoulder and taking a deep breath of his scent, that sweet, yet spicy scent that had been his obsession for so many years. That was the only thing that hadn't changed about him.

"...you still smell as good as you did years ago," Shuu mumbled, bringing his legs closer to his upper body and curling in against Kaneki's body, which shook lightly with a chuckle. "I'm glad I do. Otherwise I wouldn't be your dolce Kaneki anymore."

"Oh non, you know you will always be, mon amour. You'll always be special to me," Tsukiyama smiled lightly, playing with the hem of Kaneki's shirt.

Kaneki looked down at him with a pained expression, feeling his heart tugging at his chest. Tsukiyama loved him, cherished him and adored him so purely, so deeply... and they both couldn't do anything about it. Kaneki couldn't leave Touka and their future baby to get with Tsukiyama, he didn't want to hurt her that much.

"...I'm sorry," he whispered, bringing a hand to Tsukiyama's hair and starting to stroke it lightly. "I'm so sorry, Shuu, I don't-"  
"Hey, no. I don't want any sad stuff today. I'm already sad enough for both of us," Tsukiyama said, sitting up and turning to face Kaneki, holding his cheeks in his hands and squishing them a little.  
"I... I love you, I do, but I don't want you feeling worse than you already do, my dear. Just being close to you is enough for me. ...and you're really cute like this," Tsukiyama chuckled, caressing Kaneki's squished cheeks with his thumbs.

"...you really love me?" Kaneki asked quietly, his voice a little muffled.  
"I love you more than you or I could ever comprehend. You... you're the love of my life," Shuu whispered, pressing their foreheads together.

"...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Kaneki whimpered, pulling away from Tsukiyama's hands and covering his eyes, willing himself not to cry, even though tears had already started falling on his cheeks. "You don't deserve to suffer like this, you don't deserve someone like me, I just wish you could get out of here, forget about me and all of this and get your life back together with someone new, I'm so sorry, I-"

"Kaneki. Please listen to me. It's true, I haven't been feeling good these last few days, but it's temporary. I know I won't feel like this forever. I just... have to wait. Give myself a little time. I know I'll be okay," he smiled encouragingly, cupping Kaneki's cheek.

"...I wish we could be together. I wish I could be someone who makes you happy. But... I can't hurt Touka. If it weren't for her I would...," Kaneki whispered, opening his eyes and running his fingers through Tsukiyama's silky hair, staring at him intently. "...please, don't leave me, Shuu."

"Never, my love. I promised I would always stay by your side. Just knowing you won't leave me again is enough for me," Shuu murmured, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss on Kaneki's forehead, stroking his cheeks delicately. "I love you so much."

"...come here, I think I need cuddles more than you now," Kaneki chuckled wetly, his voice thick with unshed tears as he pulled Tsukiyama closer, wrapping his arms tightly around him and burrowing his nose in his hair, closing his eyes.

"Are you going back to Touka later?" Tsukiyama asked, daring to place a hand on Kaneki's stomach.  
"No. We don't sleep in the same room."  
"Oh... then, if that's okay with you, and if you feel comfortable, of course... do you maybe want to stay here tonight? Just so we can both have someone to cuddle," Tsukiyama proposed, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.  
"...I'd like that," Kaneki nodded, a small smile appearing on his lips.  
"...parfait," Tsukiyama beamed, curling up closer against the other's body.

Things were far from being okay, but they could get there.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As you can see I'm always trying to change canon because it sucks now lmao. 
> 
> my tumblr: rosybumblebee (main) gourmetbooty (fandom)


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